You Know, Some People Voted For These Guys TWICE.

The White House is just being so darned accomodating to those Democrat vultures in Congress, it really boggles the mind. From the Post: "The White House has said it would allow current or former White House officials to speak to the committee only under strict limitations. Specifically, Bush has insisted that the officials not be compelled to testify under oath, that their testimony not be recorded or transcribed and they speak to a limited number of lawmakers in private." I mean, what more could you ask for, really?

I have a question, though. How is that different from saying "Sure, we'll talk about whatever you guys want to talk about. Oh, but, one more thing, we want to be able to lie with impunity about what we did, limit the number of witnesses, minimize the chance of leaks, and have no record, audible, visual, or textual, of what we discussed. Cool with you guys?"

Anybody want to take a crack at that one? Because I'm sure that there's people who disagree with me on this. Care to speak up? I would really love to hear a good, muscular rationalization of how those conditions jive with the concept of oversight.

Richard B. Cheney, I Am Calling You Out

The Vice President of the United States is saying, with a straight face, that he doesn't have to comply with an executive order (number 12958) requiring him to report on his handling of classified information because, get this, his duties as President of the Senate mean that he's not technically part of the Executive Branch.

Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines, because the most flagrant abuser of executive privilege in modern times has just stated that it is his official legal opinion that he is not subject to the rules and regulations governing the executive branch of the U.S. federal government. It's so on. We now get to find out, courtesy of Mr. Addington's slip-up, everything that was previously denied to us under the protections afforded the Office of the Vice President by the (aggressively interpreted) notion of executive privilege.

Oh wait. Nevermind. We don't, because Dick Cheney believes himself to be above the law, and anyone who tries to remind him that he is, in fact, a public servant and thus subject to the rules and regulations governing public servants just can't seem to find a way to hold him to account. Here's an idea: CALL THE POLICE! Isn't that what you do when someone breaks the law? You call the cops? Well, it seems that someone already did. The agency responsible for monitoring compliance with the executive order in question attempted to conduct a floor-check on Cheney's office, but they were blocked by Cheney's staff. With what, tear gas and tasers? They were acting on an executive order, how were they blocked? Well, they didn't take that lying down, they called the top cop in the country, the Attorney General of the United States, Alberto Gonzales. You know where this is going. They still have not received a response. The Department of Justice didn't, um, you know, call them back.

Those of you who support the right to bear arms on the theory that at some point you might have to defend yourself against the abuse of power by despots foreign or domestic, YOU SHOULD BE CLEANING YOUR BARRELS RIGHT ABOUT NOW. Seriously, what's it going to take? Does Dick Cheney have to dress up like the Hamburglar and scuttle around carrying a sack labeled "Your Rights & Freedoms" before you say to yourself "Golly, I wonder if that guy should be running the country?" Here's the kicker: Cheney's office, upon noticing that there was an official government entity trying to make sure that they were obeying the law, attempted to abolish that entity. They tried to eliminate that office. Oh. My. God. How stupid do you have to be not to understand what's going on here?

Just to recap: The Vice President of the United States, Richard Bruce Cheney, is a crook. For anyone who didn't get that. He's breaking the law. Not a minor law, either, he's breaking a law that is supposed to keep him from breaking EVERY OTHER LAW ON THE BOOKS, because it governs, directly, whether he has to tell anyone what he's doing.

Now, I can't be the only person who is up in arms about this. Apparently everybody in a position to bring the hammer down is afraid of this guy. Well I'll lay it out for you pigeon-livered sons of bitches in Congress: Dick Cheney asserts the right to abduct me, send me to Syria, torture me indefinitely, and have me beaten to death and forgotten about, BUT I'M CALLING HIM OUT. What the hell are you doing about it?

Leave The Kids Alone. So Very Alone.

Dr. Harry Harlow at the University of Wisconsin performed a series of studies in the 1950s involving monkeys and physical contact. He removed baby rhesus monkeys from their mothers and set up a chickenwire "mother" with a milk dispenser and a plush cloth "mother" with a milk dispenser, and then several variations thereof. He observed the psychological states of these little monkeys, in an attempt to gain scientific insight into the nature of love and development.

Perhaps you have heard about Joyce Kilmer Middle School in Fairfax County, Virginia. They don't permit touching there. Any sort of physical contact between students is against the rules. No high fives. No piggy-back rides. No hugs. The principal at Kilmer Middle defends her policy by noting that her school is overcrowded to the tune of 250 kids, and that when mixed with the youngsters' immaturity, that can lead to a terrifying maelstrom of aggressive and/or sexual contact. The kids play violent games, get in fights, hug people who don't want to be hugged, and generally test the boundaries of social acceptability at the behest of their newly discovered hormonal id. The school's argument is that absolute prohibition of physical interaction is the only way to enforce enough order to educate.

Even when the wire mother was the one giving milk and the plush mother was dry, Harlow's monkeys would go get their food and then scurry back to the plush mother to cuddle. They would play and explore under the benevolent gaze of the smiling face painted on the felt. Those with only a wire mother in their enclosures would curl up and shriek when confronted with anything unfamiliar. They would wrap themselves tightly in their own arms in a desperate attempt to simulate the contact and comfort they innately knew they needed, but it was inadequate. They grew to resemble sanitarium inmates or severely autistic children. If Harlow's monkeys had no mother for the first 90 days, they were irreparable. The window had closed. No amount of love and attention could undo the ravages of the wire mother. The lonely little monkeys went crazy and could never function in a normal environment. When presented with a potential mate, they would often start furiously humping the wrong parts, sometimes grabbing ahold of the other monkey's head instead of hips, sometimes not reacting at all. Those females that managed to reproduce were either indifferent or abusive to their offspring, neglecting them or biting and scratching them to death.

Kids don't live their whole lives in school. They hang out together afterwards, they have families, they have friends, they play sports. Kilmer Middle isn't necessarily breeding wire monkeys by keeping these kids physically isolated for at least 40 hours a week. But they aren't fulfilling their mission as a school, either. They are creating an artificial and unrealistic environment for their own convenience, and eventually those kids are going to leave Kilmer and go to high school or into the workforce and they are going to find themselves in crowds that are not of their choosing. They will be surrounded by strangers in environments of varying structure and protocol. Not having had a structured environment in which to explore those protocols, they will be unprepared, courtesy of their middle school's desire for more rigid order.

Schoolchildren are not receptacles into which knowledge can be poured, provided that they can be held still for long enough. Their development at that young age cannot be segregated into academic and social and physical and psychological categories and dealt with separately, each one in turn. It's everything all the time with the little hellions, and yes, that's a very difficult job to do. Middle-school kids are learning how to calculate the effect of their actions and recognize appropriate behavior even as they learn to calculate the volume of a cylinder or recognize literary foreshadowing. Any educator who would deny that in the name of making his or her job a little easier would do well to go find an easier job and leave teaching to those who have the uncommon fortitude to handle thirty-odd tweens for eight to ten hours a day and still care about their well-being after they leave.

Ask Mister Legal Person

Perhaps you've heard this latest bit of farce oozing out from the Scooter Libby defense. Here's the gist of the argument:

"It appears to be undisputed that there is no day-to-day supervision of Special Counsel Fitzgerald by anyone, and no way short of removal even to assure that he complies with the policies of the Department of Justice or the Executive Branch..."

I can parry this ham-fisted thrust in one sentence: The Executive Branch and its attendant Department of Justice have demonstrated quite clearly, through the juxtaposition of the actions and words of the former and the sworn testimony of the latter, that their policies are unknown even to them, therefore rendering the compliance that forms the central concern of the 12 Distempered Men who filed the unbidden amicus curiae in question to be an unverifiable criterion, of interest only to fantasists.

Shazzam. Judge Walton, a smartass after my own heart, will likely be paraphrasing me presently.

So Sad, All That Midwifery Gone To Waste

"A federal appeals court today ruled that the U.S. government cannot indefinitely imprison a U.S. resident on suspicion alone, and ordered the military to either charge Ali Saleh Kahlah al-Marri with his alleged terrorist crimes in a civilian court or release him." -The Washington Post


Really? The government can't do that? Golly... there are kids entering first grade right now who have lived their entire lives under a regime that thinks that that's perfectly acceptable behavior. And they live in the United States, not Syria or the Sudan or Argentina, and they're living now, not during the late 1970s or the late 1470s. Those kids, who have been reciting the Pledge of Allegiance for a full year or two now, and are at a very impressionable time in their lives, have been swearing fealty to a country that operates secret prisons, abducts its own citizens and holds them without charge, and willfully and openly tortures its captives. As such, those children are a direct threat to the values upon which this country was founded.

It's time for a culling. Get out your long knives and drown out their screams with your ipods, this is for the good of the nation.

Made In Our Image

I've got a new thought, brought to me by this piece here from June 5th. Have you ever heard the theory that, as their time together increases, people and their pets tend to look more and more like each other? Even so are the United States and Iraq. We get an uptick in homegrown terrorist cells, they get a morally limp-wristed chief executive who uses secrecy and misdirection to bypass the legislative branch, who then start drafting bills that incrementally back the over-reaching leader into a corner from whence he can no longer subvert the will of the people. It's just adorable.

The funny thing is that this situation was entirely foreseeable in 2002, only it was supposed to be Ahmed Chalabi in the top job, not this upstart Maliki character. It must gall dear old Mr. Chalabi something fierce, seeing all his conniving and subterfuge go to some other schlub's benefit, especially after everything went so well there in the early days, kudos to Judy Miller, the brain-trust over there at Project for a New American Century, and the Doug Feith Culinary Intelligence Agency. Ahmed, the course of coup love never did run smooth. Maybe you should try Iran or Pakistan? If you act quickly, before the Democrats get around to doing what they were elected to do, the same tactics will probably work again.

A Temporary Dip In Candlepower

Well duh. I'd say most folks of even average intelligence sorted this out in 1999. But that's not who we're concerned about, right? We're concerned about those people who worry, sometimes legitimately, that someone who is too sharp, too prone to reflection, might be a bad leader. I know several people who chose Bush in the past election for that reason, because Bush was more clearly a man of action while Kerry was a peripatetic milquetoast, and with that reductive fallacy firmly in place it's not an unreasonable position.

If you read the rest of the newspaper in which Robinson's column is published, you might notice that our president, the self-styled man of action, is currently splitting his time between 11th-hour attempts to pass a clumsy facsimile of his number one legislative priority from seven years ago and unsuccessfully trying to fend off the consequences of his rash actions from four years ago, with only his disturbing penchant for secrecy and the crass chutzpah of his cabinet to defend himself. THERE IS A LESSON TO BE LEARNED HERE, FOR ANYONE WITHOUT SUFFICIENT FORESIGHT TO HAVE SEEN THIS PATHETIC SET OF EVENTS LUMBERING DOWN THE PIKE.

I know, I shouldn't berate anyone whose mind I hope to change, but any of my fellow citizens who care so little about this country that they would let New Haven's most famous town drunk play at being president for two whole terms can go to hell. I know full well who I need to fight to defend the American ideal, and they're not carrying Korans or wearing suicide belts, because freedom and the equality of man do not fear violence or difference of opinion. Fair, open government and the pursuit of the realization of the unapproached limits of human potential are not threatened by bullets, shrapnel, or the contradictory dogma born of ancient fairy tales. Justice and peace are not antagonistic to oppression and war, they are different and superior animals that need to shake off the latter pair, not just be presented as alternatives. But the perversion of these ideas through Orwellian doublespeak and the secret and gradual erosion of legal protections by someone in whom the nation's trust has been misplaced, that's dangerous.

The presidential contest that is currently idling its engines on the editorial pages of the country's newspapers is a rare and readily seizable opportunity for this country to awake from the binary electoral nightmare that has gripped it for at least a decade now, a chance for the populace to cast off the learned helplessness so expertly exploited by our twin tormentors and to firmly place the word "representative" back in front of "government" instead of "Red" or "Blue." We can't do that by tossing the top job into a crowd of vultures and standing back to see which one is cutthroat enough to seize it, we need to, as one nation, indivisible, pick an exceptional person from among our ranks and send him or her to Washington armed with our hopes and needs and shackled to our highest expectations. It is un-American to do any less, no matter how much the Republican and Democratic political consultants have lowered the bar.